Unmarried and Single Americans Week falls in September every year.  According to an article last year in the Washington Post, “Never before in U.S. history have so many adults been unmarried. There are now 109 million Americans, 18 and older, who are divorced, widowed or have always been single. That’s 45 percent of the adult population.”

I didn’t know these stats until recently, and only looked them up because of something that happened in my own experiencs as a speaker. I hold talks about the power of storytelling in the Portland, OR area, and have spoken as well in places like Seattle, British Columbia and the Boston area. Recently though, I’ve noticed a surprising trend.

The gist of my presentations have nothing to do with being single. I speak on how we compel and move people through the power of storytelling. To demonstrate, I tell the groups my story. How I gave up my place of birth, my home country, and ultimately my career and marriage, all in search of self. Who am I if I am not the traditions and customs of my birthplace? Who am I if I am not a “journalist”? Who am I if I am not a wife? Not really anymore even an American? What comes out in the talks is how I’ve been single for a very long time on this journey in search of authentic self and purpose. I consciously decided I didn’t want to bend to the needs of a partner, or cater to the needs of a child on this journey. Even as young as 12, I knew I wanted to travel the world unencumbered. Even then, I felt there were enough people in the world and nobody really needed me to add any more of them to the overpopulated situation.

After I finish these talks, recently I’ve had a number of people in different venues come up to me with tears in their eyes. They’re single, too, they tell me, and often treading water, lost and unsure of their direction. These people’s stories have been an eye opener to me. I started to really understand that there are so many single people out there who are lost. When I looked up the stats on singles, it confirmed my gut feeling. Single people are seeking purpose, but many don’t know that is what they are looking for.

They may think they are lost because they don’t have a traditional marriage or children, but I think it goes far deeper than that. And is far far more exciting.

I have many married friends with children. Many think that single people have it easy. We get to be ourselves all the time. We answer to no one. We don’t have to make sure children are nurtured, fed, clothed and raised with good ethics. They think we have it so easy, but they truly do not understand.

They have thousands of years of tradition to draw on. Society favors people who follow the status quo, simply because society too has thousands of years of experience to draw on. When a parent wakes up in the morning, more than likely they know who they are as wife and as mother. They know the tasks that lie before them. They can draw on the traditions of your parents and grandparents.

What do we have to draw on to define our lives? Our own parents? No. Is there someone out there holding up a sign: “Singles, follow this path to fulfilment. This way. This way.” No.

Here’s the exciting part. I truly believe singles are a core part of a massive global paradigm shift. We’re part of a deeper movement to shift away from tradition for tradition’s sake. Think about how everything is changing. The old corporate economy is giving way to the New Economy, to the economy of the people, the UBERS and AirBnBs. I’m a novelist, and we’re seeing this change in the publishing industry, too, away from the bigger corporate publishers to self publishing. Across the globe, people are protesting against old, restrictive structures that try to impose on them a way of being.

So, seeing it in broad global arc, how can you shift away from a tradition like marriage and children as the norm?

forced deeply into understanding ourselves and our passions (because we have the freedom to do so), and to create a new and better world. (Now, I know the married friends with kids reading this are foaming at the mouth right about now. I know you’re part of a great paradigm shift, too. I’m not saying you’re not. Just bear with me. Us singles need guidance, and our paths are solitary and so overgrown and fraught with brambles, and I’m just trying to be a guide. You can define your path as a married person with kids. Let me help singles define theirs.)

The Post article goes on to say that “unmarried Americans have become more highly educated….In 2006, 83 percent of unmarried Americans had at least a high school education; by 2015, 87 percent could say the same. Those with a bachelor’s degree or higher grew from 24 percent in 2006 to 27 percent a decade later.”

So, us singles are seeking more knowledge. We’re seeking purpose. But how do we find it? And where?

As an editor in newsrooms, I was told that I had my finger on the pulse, that I could spot trends. We need a new world order, one that doesn’t rely on the way it was done before. Old institutions cannot work for the new way of being. How do you shift an old paradigm? First, you need a slew of people who do not exist in that paradigm. So, if you’re single, this is your purpose. To not be part of the old way, and to struggle with that.

What does it mean when the traditions we grew up with don’t exist in our adult life? What do we do then? Who are we if we’re not husband or father? We cannot look to our own fathers for guidance. We must dive deep inside and find ourselves.

This may be a path that continues for a few generations before the necessary bridges are built over the